No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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