Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
