This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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