wakey wakey hands off snakey
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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