Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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