Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
