i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
