Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
