Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh god it's open bar.
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