I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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