Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
