You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
