By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
