I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
