How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
