im having a threesome with these popsicles
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
