I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
