oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
