I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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