Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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