i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
