I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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