As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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