spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize