WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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