I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
