the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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