I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
