Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
