i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she smelled like a LAN party
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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