Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
