No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize