She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
