I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
