Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
