Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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