you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
