I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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