ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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