Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
