12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
