After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
