As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
