Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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