I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
