I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
