I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
