I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
