i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
