I'm going to jail i love you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
