We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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