haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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