If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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