FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize