I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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