Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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