3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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