I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
