I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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