he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're too hungover to prance.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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