Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
