all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
