Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
