tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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