My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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