everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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