Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize