i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
