careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
