tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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