My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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