Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
