yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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