there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
