Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
