I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Randomize
