Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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