I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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