I just made out with a guy for $7.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
