I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
