woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
