...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You ruined the universe
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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