My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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