I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
