the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
