I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
