it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
