i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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