just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am midnight drunk by noon
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
