We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
