dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Life is so much better after having sex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
