how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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