What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
