well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
