if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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