so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This house was built for laser tag.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
